The Net is Truly Vast and Infinite
by Floydgoneawry
Summary: "I've had enough!" She ran from Konata, giving no thought to her destination.  The door in front of her could not possibly lead to anything worse than this.  "NO KAGAMIN!"   She was too late though.  Kagami had already thrown open the door...
1. You Won and Lost

"This is so embarrassing," she scoffed, "don't make me  
do it again."

"But Kaga-_min_," the otaku sang, "we have to divide  
and conquer if we're going to hit all the good stands."

Kagami sighed as she handed the incriminating  
doujinshi over to her friend.

"Yeah, yeah. You wanted them so you carry them."

The shorter girl took the bag and looked quickly  
through the stack of fan-made manga, stopping  
suddenly at one title in the middle.

"WHOA!" Konata almost fell back in shock, "you were  
able to get the *&(%#)$ doujin! This was supposed to  
sell out hours before we got here!"

"Yeah well, I wouldn't know anything abou-"

"You don't understand, Kagami, this…this…this is an  
accomplishment deserving of the…the…the internet!"

"The internet?"

"THE INTERNET!"

"What are you talking about! Quit saying things I  
don't understand!"

Some passersby had stopped to witness this event.

"Seriously Kagami! You win the internet!"

Whispers began floating about the crowd.

Some girl had actually won the internet.

"What's going on? This doesn't make any sense!"

"Come on Kagamin," Konata said, paying her friend's  
cries no mind, "let's go survey your kingdom."

The blue-haired girl pulled out her cell-phone and  
pushed a button.

Kagami blinked...

...and her world turned white.


	2. 404'd

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?"

"The internet Kagamin," Konata replied nonchalantly.

Her friend's relaxed voice made Kagami check the  
volume of her own.

"This is a 404 screen."

Konata looked around in all directions. The infinitely  
white page with the large error message seemed like  
a wasteland for the two girls.

"Oh well," she said, "this is a good starting point. I  
don't think it really matters where we go from here."

As she said this, she pushed a widget and the scenery  
changed again.

"What did you do?"

"Stumbleupon, Kagamin," The shorter girl answered as  
if the words held meaning for her friend.

"Where are we now?" she asked, amazed at how  
quickly she had adapted to the odd situation.


	3. Yes, what are they doing with the cup?

This next page had Kagami frozen in her place.

"What are those two girls doing with that cup?"

"You might want to look away."

Kagami went green from head to toe and turned  
away from the display.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"There, there Kagamin."

"Push the button," she whimpered.

"Ok, this is a little too heavy for you to handle on  
your first time."

Konata pushed the button again.


	4. Found It

"This site looks interesting," the twin-tailed girl  
thought, " it's all text so it could be safe. Look, our  
names are in a few places."

"Uh, Kagami…"

"No, look," she pointed, "I think they're stories. It  
says, 'Hiragii brought her friend close to her chest.  
"Oh, Kagamin," the short otaku moaned before  
sliding her small…hand…up…up…'"

Kagami read on silently before she turned to her  
friend slowly, a look of unease spreading over her  
bright red face.

"They want us to do horrible things together."

"There, there Kagamin," Konata began as she gave  
her friend a hug.

"NO! That's how this next story got out of hand!"


	5. It sure looks goopy, doesn't it…

They were in the next site for only a second before a  
baby panda sneezed on Kagami.

With a defeated sigh, she reached over to the cell  
phone and hit the widget again.


	6. Is that your Elder Wand?

"Konata?"

"What?"

"Do you ever get the feeling that you're a hand puppet?"

A nude wizard approached the two girls.

"DUMBLE–"

"Next!"


	7. Come Dansen

"Where's that music coming from?" Kagami asked.

"I don't know, but it's kinda catchy."

The two girls involuntarily lifted their hands up to the  
side of their heads and began dancing back and forth  
from one foot to the next, swaying their hips happily  
to the beat of a strange song with unintelligible lyrics.

Konata was reaching for the button with her thumb  
when Kagami stopped her.

"No, no, no. This one's not bad. We can stay here for  
a little while."


	8. Ridin' the Line

The two girls found themselves in a two-dimensional  
world.

They fell onto a very plainly drawn sled and moved  
forward slowly.

"What is this place?" the more cynical passenger  
asked from the back.

"Just hold on tight Kagamin, we could be in for quite a  
ride."

The sled rode along the line across the white  
background. The terrain suddenly dropped and the  
sled was free-falling until it landed on a steep hill.  
They moved faster and faster until they reached the  
bottom where the two were launched into the air.

"I'm going to be sick again!" Kagami cried as she  
looked down at the void below them.

The sled landed with a rough bounce and continued  
with little care for the protests made by the  
purple-haired passenger. After a series of smaller  
jumps, the ground gave way again to a steep slope.  
Just as Kagami thought the fall would tear the skin  
from her cheeks, they were thrown into a wide loop  
before continuing along the line, which had  
straightened out, to a slow stop.

Kagami let go of her friend, not realizing she had  
wrapped her arms around the shorter girl's waist,  
and clutched her stomach. She stood upon her  
wobbly legs and staggered away from the sled.

A crudely drawn door loomed before her.

"I've had enough," she whispered to herself.


	9. Her First Doctor

"I've had enough!" the girl screamed.

She ran from Konata, giving no thought to her  
destination. The door in front of her could not possibly  
lead to anything worse than this.

"NO KAGAMIN!"

She was too late though. Kagami had already thrown  
open the door.

"DOCTOR OCTOGONAPUS! BWAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"


	10. Even Walls Fall Down

Kagami stood there. The charred tatters of her  
clothes flowing loosely in the slight breeze that blew  
through the server.

Her right eye twitched involuntarily.

Something inside her snapped.

She reached out, grabbed one of the comical  
metallic tentacles and slammed the Doctor against  
each side of the doorpost before throwing him  
against the pillar of memes that had gathered around  
to torment her.

Down came the dancing hamsters, wild p#3mon,  
copypasta with sauce, and lolcats in a Chocolate Rain  
all around the raging girl.

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FINGER! OR YOUR  
CANDY MOUNTAIN! OR YOUR GODDAM COWBELL!"  
she screamed as she kicked away a bear that was  
trying to nab Konata.

Unfortunately, the flood of memes may never stop.


	11. This One Goes to 11

Just as the purple-haired girl thought her hell would  
never end, she fell onto the floor in the crowded  
Comiket hall.

"What happened?" she asked as she instinctively  
rubbed her sore bottom.

"Someone else must have won the internet. Oh well,  
I suppose we'll just have to continue the next time  
you do something amazing, or maybe I'll bring you  
along next time I win."

Kagami stood up slowly, careful to check her footing  
on the deceptively flat ground.

"No thanks," she said, "I think I've had enough of the  
internet for a long time."

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you for reading


End file.
